Post by Icarus on Mar 26, 2008 8:44:03 GMT -5
How To Be Respectful at a Jewish Holiday Dinner
Try to get an idea of the traditions of the family you're visiting. Do they follow the Orthodox tradition, or are they more Conservative or Reform?
Dress appropriately. If you're male, wear a dress shirt and some nice pants with a belt (good slacks are fine, if you must wear jeans at least make sure they are clean and without any holes). If you're female, wear a skirt of at least knee length, and a nice, reasonably modest shirt.
Ask politely whether the household is kosher. This will influence what, if anything, you should bring with you. (If the household is Orthodox, it's a good bet they keep kosher. If not, you might have some leeway.) See "tips" below.
Be prepared to spend at least two or three hours at the dinner. This is a festive experience and is meant to be enjoyed with lots of conversation, possibly some songs, and no hurry. If it's a Passover Seder, there will be about an hour of reading and storytelling before you eat.
Get handshakes or hugs from the family, but don't be offended if members of the opposite sex do not shake hands or touch you. Some extremely religious Jews will not touch any person of the opposite gender (except the person they're married to or very young children).
Don't turn any lights or appliances on or off in the house while you're there (be careful if you're going to the bathroom, for example). Many Jewish homes do not use electricity on holidays, and any switches you mess with must be left that way until the holiday is over.
Watch what people are doing. Do not start to eat until everyone else is eating. There may be some blessings (or "brachot") said before the meal. The family may light candles, drink a cup of wine, ritually wash their hands and eat some bread before the meal begins. If the family washes hands and they remain silent (or hum without speaking) for a few minutes afterward, it means they're about to say a blessing over the bread and they can't talk until this is done. Relax and wait. Once the meal is finished, the table will be cleared and some more prayers might be said. You should not eat anything further after this. As with any conversation, it's polite to be a good listener and not talk too much. If you chat about politics, try not to say anything too offensive.
Feel free to ask questions about the Jewish religion, but be open minded.
Orthodox Jews will say/sing Grace After Meals, which they will refer to as "Bentching". This will take between 4 minutes and 15 minutes. This will only be said if bread was eaten at the meal. Just sit and relax.
Tips
If the household is kosher, any food you bring to share must be kosher. The laws are a little complicated, so you're probably safest not bringing any food. Do not bring wine unless the host says it's okay.
Bring some flowers or fresh fruit if you want to take a gift to the host.
Fresh, uncut fruit usually does not require a kosher mark, but be careful if you choose a pre-assembled gift basket.
Kosher homes consume either dairy or meat, but never both at the same meal. You need to keep this in mind if you plan to bring some food to share. Holiday dinners usually include meat (and thus must be free of dairy products) but check with your host. (Food that is neither dairy nor meat is "pareve" and can be eaten any time.)
If the holiday you're going to is Passover, the only food you can bring must be marked "Kosher for Passover" or "Kosher for Pesach." This is a more strict requirement than regular kosher food. Beware! Even a box of matzoh is not always kosher for Passover (flavored matzot are not). A few weeks before Passover you will see prepackaged kosher-for-Passover food appearing in large supermarkets. Grab something then if you're going to a Passover Seder soon.
Warnings
Some food items that claim to be kosher are of a lower standard than most Orthodox Jews accept. It is probably best to clear what you intend to bring with your host first, or, if you know another guest going too, ask them for help picking out something appropriate.
From: Wikihow
Try to get an idea of the traditions of the family you're visiting. Do they follow the Orthodox tradition, or are they more Conservative or Reform?
Dress appropriately. If you're male, wear a dress shirt and some nice pants with a belt (good slacks are fine, if you must wear jeans at least make sure they are clean and without any holes). If you're female, wear a skirt of at least knee length, and a nice, reasonably modest shirt.
Ask politely whether the household is kosher. This will influence what, if anything, you should bring with you. (If the household is Orthodox, it's a good bet they keep kosher. If not, you might have some leeway.) See "tips" below.
Be prepared to spend at least two or three hours at the dinner. This is a festive experience and is meant to be enjoyed with lots of conversation, possibly some songs, and no hurry. If it's a Passover Seder, there will be about an hour of reading and storytelling before you eat.
Get handshakes or hugs from the family, but don't be offended if members of the opposite sex do not shake hands or touch you. Some extremely religious Jews will not touch any person of the opposite gender (except the person they're married to or very young children).
Don't turn any lights or appliances on or off in the house while you're there (be careful if you're going to the bathroom, for example). Many Jewish homes do not use electricity on holidays, and any switches you mess with must be left that way until the holiday is over.
Watch what people are doing. Do not start to eat until everyone else is eating. There may be some blessings (or "brachot") said before the meal. The family may light candles, drink a cup of wine, ritually wash their hands and eat some bread before the meal begins. If the family washes hands and they remain silent (or hum without speaking) for a few minutes afterward, it means they're about to say a blessing over the bread and they can't talk until this is done. Relax and wait. Once the meal is finished, the table will be cleared and some more prayers might be said. You should not eat anything further after this. As with any conversation, it's polite to be a good listener and not talk too much. If you chat about politics, try not to say anything too offensive.
Feel free to ask questions about the Jewish religion, but be open minded.
Orthodox Jews will say/sing Grace After Meals, which they will refer to as "Bentching". This will take between 4 minutes and 15 minutes. This will only be said if bread was eaten at the meal. Just sit and relax.
Tips
If the household is kosher, any food you bring to share must be kosher. The laws are a little complicated, so you're probably safest not bringing any food. Do not bring wine unless the host says it's okay.
Bring some flowers or fresh fruit if you want to take a gift to the host.
Fresh, uncut fruit usually does not require a kosher mark, but be careful if you choose a pre-assembled gift basket.
Kosher homes consume either dairy or meat, but never both at the same meal. You need to keep this in mind if you plan to bring some food to share. Holiday dinners usually include meat (and thus must be free of dairy products) but check with your host. (Food that is neither dairy nor meat is "pareve" and can be eaten any time.)
If the holiday you're going to is Passover, the only food you can bring must be marked "Kosher for Passover" or "Kosher for Pesach." This is a more strict requirement than regular kosher food. Beware! Even a box of matzoh is not always kosher for Passover (flavored matzot are not). A few weeks before Passover you will see prepackaged kosher-for-Passover food appearing in large supermarkets. Grab something then if you're going to a Passover Seder soon.
Warnings
Some food items that claim to be kosher are of a lower standard than most Orthodox Jews accept. It is probably best to clear what you intend to bring with your host first, or, if you know another guest going too, ask them for help picking out something appropriate.
From: Wikihow