Post by Icarus on Mar 26, 2008 8:29:13 GMT -5
Welcome to this free NLP Ezine
Hi everybody, and welcome to "NLP: The Secret Science of Self- Empowerment." This Ezine is designed to bring to you techniques, theories and exercises from the fascinating field of Neurolinguistic Programming.
About This Issue
When two people interact, they are consciously or unconsciously influencing each other. To make this relationship of mutual influence a harmonious one, NLP teaches the concept of "Pacing and Leading". By pacing others, you win their trust and attention. After having successfully paced someone, he/she will allow you to take the lead.
Most interpersonal conflicts are the result of people trying to lead each other without pacing first. If you want to have leverage with others, make sure you pace them first. Pacing is the secret of having successful relationships with other human beings.
The general principle of pacing has to do with acknowledging the person you are speaking to. It means understanding and entering their reality, even if it seems to be a very strange reality to you, rather than demanding that they understand and enter yours. Pacing has nothing to do with being fake and agreeing blindly with someone else's point of view, but rather with giving the acknowledgement that each of us needs and thereby building a bridge of understanding.
Pacing involves more than simply listening to people and acknowledging the content of their words. It also has a lot to do with being aware of and matching other's body language (somatic syntax), which holds information about how they are experiencing reality. As in the case of pacing someone verbally, pacing someone's body language aims at building a strong connection between you and the person you are talking to, so that the best quality of communication becomes possible. The general rule is: Speech carries information, body language carries relationship. You can tell the relationship between two people by watching their body language.
Successfully pacing other's body language means approximately matching their posture, frequency and kind of gestures, voice tone (volume, pitch, speed), and breathing rhythm. The result of such matching is greatly enhanced rapport. However, make sure not to mimic the person you are interacting with. All matching should be done approximately only! For example, if the other person taps their hand, you may tap your foot in the same rhythm.
Once you have paced someone successfully, you have created a relationship of mutual influence and have a chance of them listening to what you have to say. You now have the power to influence them. Often the term influencing is wrongly associated with manipulating. It is a natural part of human communication, however, and can be absolutely compatible with being ethical. Much of our professional success and personal happiness depends on our ability to influence others.
But beware! When you pace people, be sincere and sensitive, otherwise you might come across as manipulative. While people do not like it when they feel manipulated, they are open to being influenced once they trust you. Pacing builds trust. It is the one skill that sets apart a master communicator from the rest.
Good leaders have good people skills. They make sure they pace people. They understand that it is more important for people to feel acknowledged than have others agree with their position. When someone feels acknowledged by you, they are likely to become supportive of you.
To get a better idea of pacing, think of relay running. Only when both runners have the same speed can they successfully hand over the baton. In the context of communication this metaphor means that only when you have entered the reality of the person you are talking to can you influence them.
Why does Pacing work? Because we all have very different models of the world, based on our beliefs, values, experiences, etc. We all are unique in our own way. As a result, we tend to feel separated from others, especially if we have not built a relationship with them. People are aware of their uniqueness and are hesitant to share their views freely with others because they feel they might be judged. Nobody likes to feel judged. If you want to encourage people to trust you and speak openly to you, you have to pace them, i.e. show them that you understand what they are saying and that you do not judge them, even if you disagree. To be a good communicator, you have to pace people.
References:
Silent Messages, Mehrabian, A., 1971.
Practical NLP for Managers, McDermott, I. and O'Connor, J.,1996.
All the best,
Christoph Schertler
NLP Trainer/Coach - Founder PEC, LLC
Christoph Schertler has published an ebook on how to use NLP to build confidence. The NLP Confidence Builder contains over 100 pages of powerful NLP techniques and concepts that can help you overcome limiting beliefs and bring forth the life-transforming power of confidence from deep within you.
Christoph Schertler was recently published in "101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life, Vol. 2" alongside John Gray, Jack Canfield, Richard Carlson, Bob Proctor, Alan Cohen and many other leading Self Improvement experts.
Christoph Schertler is a certified NLP Trainer and NLP Coach with a passion for helping others to empower themselves and bring forth their power and genius from within. He has trained with some of the biggest names in the field and is a firm believer in the transformational powers of NLP.
Hi everybody, and welcome to "NLP: The Secret Science of Self- Empowerment." This Ezine is designed to bring to you techniques, theories and exercises from the fascinating field of Neurolinguistic Programming.
About This Issue
When two people interact, they are consciously or unconsciously influencing each other. To make this relationship of mutual influence a harmonious one, NLP teaches the concept of "Pacing and Leading". By pacing others, you win their trust and attention. After having successfully paced someone, he/she will allow you to take the lead.
Most interpersonal conflicts are the result of people trying to lead each other without pacing first. If you want to have leverage with others, make sure you pace them first. Pacing is the secret of having successful relationships with other human beings.
The general principle of pacing has to do with acknowledging the person you are speaking to. It means understanding and entering their reality, even if it seems to be a very strange reality to you, rather than demanding that they understand and enter yours. Pacing has nothing to do with being fake and agreeing blindly with someone else's point of view, but rather with giving the acknowledgement that each of us needs and thereby building a bridge of understanding.
Pacing involves more than simply listening to people and acknowledging the content of their words. It also has a lot to do with being aware of and matching other's body language (somatic syntax), which holds information about how they are experiencing reality. As in the case of pacing someone verbally, pacing someone's body language aims at building a strong connection between you and the person you are talking to, so that the best quality of communication becomes possible. The general rule is: Speech carries information, body language carries relationship. You can tell the relationship between two people by watching their body language.
Successfully pacing other's body language means approximately matching their posture, frequency and kind of gestures, voice tone (volume, pitch, speed), and breathing rhythm. The result of such matching is greatly enhanced rapport. However, make sure not to mimic the person you are interacting with. All matching should be done approximately only! For example, if the other person taps their hand, you may tap your foot in the same rhythm.
Once you have paced someone successfully, you have created a relationship of mutual influence and have a chance of them listening to what you have to say. You now have the power to influence them. Often the term influencing is wrongly associated with manipulating. It is a natural part of human communication, however, and can be absolutely compatible with being ethical. Much of our professional success and personal happiness depends on our ability to influence others.
But beware! When you pace people, be sincere and sensitive, otherwise you might come across as manipulative. While people do not like it when they feel manipulated, they are open to being influenced once they trust you. Pacing builds trust. It is the one skill that sets apart a master communicator from the rest.
Good leaders have good people skills. They make sure they pace people. They understand that it is more important for people to feel acknowledged than have others agree with their position. When someone feels acknowledged by you, they are likely to become supportive of you.
To get a better idea of pacing, think of relay running. Only when both runners have the same speed can they successfully hand over the baton. In the context of communication this metaphor means that only when you have entered the reality of the person you are talking to can you influence them.
Why does Pacing work? Because we all have very different models of the world, based on our beliefs, values, experiences, etc. We all are unique in our own way. As a result, we tend to feel separated from others, especially if we have not built a relationship with them. People are aware of their uniqueness and are hesitant to share their views freely with others because they feel they might be judged. Nobody likes to feel judged. If you want to encourage people to trust you and speak openly to you, you have to pace them, i.e. show them that you understand what they are saying and that you do not judge them, even if you disagree. To be a good communicator, you have to pace people.
References:
Silent Messages, Mehrabian, A., 1971.
Practical NLP for Managers, McDermott, I. and O'Connor, J.,1996.
All the best,
Christoph Schertler
NLP Trainer/Coach - Founder PEC, LLC
Christoph Schertler has published an ebook on how to use NLP to build confidence. The NLP Confidence Builder contains over 100 pages of powerful NLP techniques and concepts that can help you overcome limiting beliefs and bring forth the life-transforming power of confidence from deep within you.
Christoph Schertler was recently published in "101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life, Vol. 2" alongside John Gray, Jack Canfield, Richard Carlson, Bob Proctor, Alan Cohen and many other leading Self Improvement experts.
Christoph Schertler is a certified NLP Trainer and NLP Coach with a passion for helping others to empower themselves and bring forth their power and genius from within. He has trained with some of the biggest names in the field and is a firm believer in the transformational powers of NLP.