Post by Icarus on Mar 26, 2008 8:25:07 GMT -5
Welcome to this free NLP Ezine
Hi everybody, and welcome to my Ezine "NLP: The Secret Science of Self- Empowerment." This Ezine is designed to bring to you techniques, theories and exercises from the fascinating field of Neurolinguistic Programming.
About This Issue
This week's article discusses one of the core NLP presuppositions, namely that of "The Map is not the Territory." According to NLP people interpret any information they receive in their own unique way. Excellence, the holy grail NLP is chasing after, has to do with the ability to connect to people's maps of the world, i.e. their personalized interpretation of reality. The following article will discuss what maps are and how they impact our lives as well as how to communicate with others more efficiently.
This Issue's Article:
Advanced Communication Skills: "The Map is not the Territory"
In Neuro-Linguistic Programming we talk about people's "maps of the world." This term describes a person's unique experience of reality. A map is not reality itself, only a representation of it. Just as a map of Yellowstone Park is not the park itself, but a 2-dimensional simplification on a piece of paper that has enough information to enable a visitor to navigate through the park.
Likewise, as humans we create maps of the world around us that help us to function in our daily lives. These maps include all the necessary information and ground rules we need to master a given situation. A pilot has various "maps" relating to flying a plane, such as knowledge about engineering, aviation, and weather patterns. These maps allow the pilot to fly a plane and make the right judgment when facing a wide variety of situations in the air. In the same way spouses have maps regarding marriage, singers have maps regarding music, and so on. Our maps - a mixture of a measuring gauge and a compass - enable us to make sense of a situation and therefore are at the very core of our success in life.
Imagine you flew to a different continent and visited an exotic civilization where the citizens shouted at each other to show affection and turned their back on each other while communicating. If you judged this style of communicating by your maps for social interaction, it would appear to be dysfunctional, to put it mildly. You would be confused by such behavior, until someone told you the reasoning behind it. Why? Because you don't have the right map to make sense of this exotic civilizations social etiquette. Your map for successful communication and kindness includes smiling, eye contact, and moderate volume and voice tone as ground rules; turning your back on someone and shouting conveys hostility on your map.
It does sound like a funny scenario to imagine, right? However, you do not have to fly to a far away culture to find this kind of misunderstanding and confusion. All you have to do is find another human being, be it your spouse, friend, colleague or teenage kid. The truth about us humans is that we all have our own unique maps of the world and as a result misunderstand each other. The way you see and judge a situation is unlikely to be seen and judged that exact way by anyone else. Sure, a similar cultural background and shared life experiences do lead to similar maps, but even then, significant differences remain.
Life is a system of systems in which an infinite number of maps are connected to each other; We share maps as groups (nationality, religion, culture, language, supporting the same basketball team, etc) and at the same time have our individual maps (personal history, beliefs, values, and behaviors, etc.). Of course, the mixture of maps being so complex means that every person is unique in their perception of the world.
This complexity is what makes life so colorful and challenging. It is also the recipe for success for reality TV shows like Wife Swap, Big Brother or Survivor. By selecting people with different or openly conflicting maps and making them spend time with each other in close proximity, quote-raising drama is guaranteed. Your family or office life might sometimes feel that way, too.
What can you do to get by in a world that is set up for conflict like this? Start with accepting that other people's maps are real to them, even if they don't make any sense to you. You do not have to agree with their views, but try to demonstrate that you understand how the situation looks, sounds and feels when experienced through their map. Place yourself in their shoes and you will start to see their map's perspective. Ask yourself :" If I were that person and had that kind of map, how would I experience this situation?"
If you don't know what their map looks like, you can ask them questions that bring forth the criteria by which they judge a situation, such as "What does this mean to you?," "What about this [situation, person, place] is important to you?," or "What would your best outcome look like?" The more you find out about how they arrive at their conclusions, the more clearly will you understand their map.
Next, demonstrate that you have an understanding of where they are coming from. You can do this by asking questions or making comments that indicate that you understand them. An easy way to do this is to backtrack the other person's words and repeat what they have just said in a non-mimicking way, non-judgmental, e.g. "It sounds to me like you feel that...," "I hear you saying...," "XYZ seems to be important to you," and so on.
Try not to overdo it, otherwise your conversation will seem unnatural and you end up irritating the person you are talking to. Another thing you can do is to ask the other person to clarify what exactly they mean when they use general terms, e.g. "You said this happened a while ago, can you be more specific?," "What do you mean by XYZ," "Who are 'They'?" Again, use this technique with care and when appropriate. Using such communication skills will demonstrate your ability to listen and your willingness to understand, which will increase your chances for a harmonious and productive conversation with that person.
Most of our maps are impoverished. What do you know about Bavarian folk dancing? If you are like most of us, not much. How about indigenout tribes living in Sumatra? Equity Trading? Cave diving? Maintaining friendships? Raising children? If you feel that one or more of your maps needs to be enriched, use common sense to do it. If you want to enrich your maps regarding being a parent, attend parenting classes, read good books about good parenting, share your experiences with other parents, kindergarten and school teachers, and spend more time with your kids (or children you are closed to, if you haven't any children at the moment). Keep in mind, there is no copyright on maps, so if you have a role model who exemplifies everything you value, by all means, analyze their map and make it your own.
We are now over 6 billion people on this planet, and each one of us has a unique values, beliefs, capabilities, and behaviors, which influence the type of maps we create in order to make sense of the world around us. By becoming more aware of the maps we use to navigate through life and by respecting other people's maps we can move towards improving our communication skills and becoming our greater self.
References:
The Structure of Magic, Vol I., Bandler, R. and Grinder, J. 1975.
All the best,
Christoph Schertler
NLP Trainer/Coach - Founder PEC, LLC
About the author:
Christoph Schertler has published an ebook on how to use NLP to build confidence. The NLP Confidence Builder contains over 100 pages of powerful NLP techniques and concepts that can help you overcome limiting beliefs and bring forth the life-transforming power of confidence from deep within you.
Christoph Schertler was recently published in "101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life, Vol. 2" alongside John Gray, Jack Canfield, Richard Carlson, Bob Proctor, Alan Cohen and many other leading Self Improvement experts.
Christoph Schertler is a certified NLP Trainer and NLP Coach with a passion for helping others to empower themselves and bring forth their power and genius from within. He has trained with some of the biggest names in the field and is a firm believer in the transformational powers of NLP.
DISCLAIMER
The contents herein are solely the opinions of the editors, and should not be considered as a form of therapy nor advice. There is no guarantee of validity or accuracy. Personal Empowerment Coaching, LLC assumes no responsibility for injury and specifically disclaims any warranty, express or implied for any products or services mentioned. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, services of a competent professional should be sought. Copyright © 2006 by Personal Empwerment Coaching, LLC. Permission is granted to reproduce or distribute this newsletter only in its entirety and provided copyright is acknowledged.
Hi everybody, and welcome to my Ezine "NLP: The Secret Science of Self- Empowerment." This Ezine is designed to bring to you techniques, theories and exercises from the fascinating field of Neurolinguistic Programming.
About This Issue
This week's article discusses one of the core NLP presuppositions, namely that of "The Map is not the Territory." According to NLP people interpret any information they receive in their own unique way. Excellence, the holy grail NLP is chasing after, has to do with the ability to connect to people's maps of the world, i.e. their personalized interpretation of reality. The following article will discuss what maps are and how they impact our lives as well as how to communicate with others more efficiently.
This Issue's Article:
Advanced Communication Skills: "The Map is not the Territory"
In Neuro-Linguistic Programming we talk about people's "maps of the world." This term describes a person's unique experience of reality. A map is not reality itself, only a representation of it. Just as a map of Yellowstone Park is not the park itself, but a 2-dimensional simplification on a piece of paper that has enough information to enable a visitor to navigate through the park.
Likewise, as humans we create maps of the world around us that help us to function in our daily lives. These maps include all the necessary information and ground rules we need to master a given situation. A pilot has various "maps" relating to flying a plane, such as knowledge about engineering, aviation, and weather patterns. These maps allow the pilot to fly a plane and make the right judgment when facing a wide variety of situations in the air. In the same way spouses have maps regarding marriage, singers have maps regarding music, and so on. Our maps - a mixture of a measuring gauge and a compass - enable us to make sense of a situation and therefore are at the very core of our success in life.
Imagine you flew to a different continent and visited an exotic civilization where the citizens shouted at each other to show affection and turned their back on each other while communicating. If you judged this style of communicating by your maps for social interaction, it would appear to be dysfunctional, to put it mildly. You would be confused by such behavior, until someone told you the reasoning behind it. Why? Because you don't have the right map to make sense of this exotic civilizations social etiquette. Your map for successful communication and kindness includes smiling, eye contact, and moderate volume and voice tone as ground rules; turning your back on someone and shouting conveys hostility on your map.
It does sound like a funny scenario to imagine, right? However, you do not have to fly to a far away culture to find this kind of misunderstanding and confusion. All you have to do is find another human being, be it your spouse, friend, colleague or teenage kid. The truth about us humans is that we all have our own unique maps of the world and as a result misunderstand each other. The way you see and judge a situation is unlikely to be seen and judged that exact way by anyone else. Sure, a similar cultural background and shared life experiences do lead to similar maps, but even then, significant differences remain.
Life is a system of systems in which an infinite number of maps are connected to each other; We share maps as groups (nationality, religion, culture, language, supporting the same basketball team, etc) and at the same time have our individual maps (personal history, beliefs, values, and behaviors, etc.). Of course, the mixture of maps being so complex means that every person is unique in their perception of the world.
This complexity is what makes life so colorful and challenging. It is also the recipe for success for reality TV shows like Wife Swap, Big Brother or Survivor. By selecting people with different or openly conflicting maps and making them spend time with each other in close proximity, quote-raising drama is guaranteed. Your family or office life might sometimes feel that way, too.
What can you do to get by in a world that is set up for conflict like this? Start with accepting that other people's maps are real to them, even if they don't make any sense to you. You do not have to agree with their views, but try to demonstrate that you understand how the situation looks, sounds and feels when experienced through their map. Place yourself in their shoes and you will start to see their map's perspective. Ask yourself :" If I were that person and had that kind of map, how would I experience this situation?"
If you don't know what their map looks like, you can ask them questions that bring forth the criteria by which they judge a situation, such as "What does this mean to you?," "What about this [situation, person, place] is important to you?," or "What would your best outcome look like?" The more you find out about how they arrive at their conclusions, the more clearly will you understand their map.
Next, demonstrate that you have an understanding of where they are coming from. You can do this by asking questions or making comments that indicate that you understand them. An easy way to do this is to backtrack the other person's words and repeat what they have just said in a non-mimicking way, non-judgmental, e.g. "It sounds to me like you feel that...," "I hear you saying...," "XYZ seems to be important to you," and so on.
Try not to overdo it, otherwise your conversation will seem unnatural and you end up irritating the person you are talking to. Another thing you can do is to ask the other person to clarify what exactly they mean when they use general terms, e.g. "You said this happened a while ago, can you be more specific?," "What do you mean by XYZ," "Who are 'They'?" Again, use this technique with care and when appropriate. Using such communication skills will demonstrate your ability to listen and your willingness to understand, which will increase your chances for a harmonious and productive conversation with that person.
Most of our maps are impoverished. What do you know about Bavarian folk dancing? If you are like most of us, not much. How about indigenout tribes living in Sumatra? Equity Trading? Cave diving? Maintaining friendships? Raising children? If you feel that one or more of your maps needs to be enriched, use common sense to do it. If you want to enrich your maps regarding being a parent, attend parenting classes, read good books about good parenting, share your experiences with other parents, kindergarten and school teachers, and spend more time with your kids (or children you are closed to, if you haven't any children at the moment). Keep in mind, there is no copyright on maps, so if you have a role model who exemplifies everything you value, by all means, analyze their map and make it your own.
We are now over 6 billion people on this planet, and each one of us has a unique values, beliefs, capabilities, and behaviors, which influence the type of maps we create in order to make sense of the world around us. By becoming more aware of the maps we use to navigate through life and by respecting other people's maps we can move towards improving our communication skills and becoming our greater self.
References:
The Structure of Magic, Vol I., Bandler, R. and Grinder, J. 1975.
All the best,
Christoph Schertler
NLP Trainer/Coach - Founder PEC, LLC
About the author:
Christoph Schertler has published an ebook on how to use NLP to build confidence. The NLP Confidence Builder contains over 100 pages of powerful NLP techniques and concepts that can help you overcome limiting beliefs and bring forth the life-transforming power of confidence from deep within you.
Christoph Schertler was recently published in "101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life, Vol. 2" alongside John Gray, Jack Canfield, Richard Carlson, Bob Proctor, Alan Cohen and many other leading Self Improvement experts.
Christoph Schertler is a certified NLP Trainer and NLP Coach with a passion for helping others to empower themselves and bring forth their power and genius from within. He has trained with some of the biggest names in the field and is a firm believer in the transformational powers of NLP.
DISCLAIMER
The contents herein are solely the opinions of the editors, and should not be considered as a form of therapy nor advice. There is no guarantee of validity or accuracy. Personal Empowerment Coaching, LLC assumes no responsibility for injury and specifically disclaims any warranty, express or implied for any products or services mentioned. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, services of a competent professional should be sought. Copyright © 2006 by Personal Empwerment Coaching, LLC. Permission is granted to reproduce or distribute this newsletter only in its entirety and provided copyright is acknowledged.